Friday, March 17, 2006

Everything is NOT okay

Dr. Glickstein's happiness to see us today soon turned into caution and worry. After an hour of being poked and prodded by three different people, Dr. G. was not able to tell us what we wanted to hear. Although the baby's heart is structurally and anatomically normal, there are some "leaky valves" in her heart (I believe this is technically called tricuspid regurgitation, or TR) that concern Dr. G., given her knowledge of our history. She admitted that she just didn't know what could be causing this, but that it wasn't great, and that it could be nothing, or it could be a sign of a trisomy of some sort, or it could be an early sign of cardiomyopathy. The fact that she cried was not a good sign. I am being put on Digoxin in hopes that it will pass the placenta and help the baby's heart, and we are now back to December 2004, when our weekly care was put in the hands of a team of doctors, including geneticists, cardiologists, obstetricians, and sonographers, and we just have to play a waiting game. The doctors' main concern at this point is getting us all the information we need before I reach 23 weeks and 6 days, the deadline for you know what. I don't even want to think about it. I am numb. I don't know what else to say or what to do with myself.

16 comments:

Kate said...

Oh God. I'm so sorry.

Catherine said...

Shit. I wish there was something more I could say. {{{hugs}}}

sillyhummingbird said...

I also wish there was something I could say. I am just so sorry.

Muddystingbee said...

Oh no, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say except that I'm thinking of all of you and praying that everything turns out all right.

kate said...

Oh my God, i am just so sorry. I will also be hoping & praying that somehow it all turns out all right....

laura said...

oh, my god. i am not exactly religious, but i believe in the collective power of good will, so i am sending all of mine natalie's way and praying for her good health.

Jillian said...

I just want to add my thoughts and goodwill to the collective too. I will be thinking of you and Natalie and hoping for the very best possible outcome for you. I am so sorry you are facing this hell again.

lorem ipsum said...

Oh my God. I'm with Laura and everyone else, hoping for a miracle. Counting on it.

Anonymous said...

Alysse-

We send you and Robert big hugs - it is truely crappy and unfair. We love you and hope that everything turns out all right.
Love, Cousin Sue

Anonymous said...

OH NO... i am deeply sorry that you both have to go through this dreadful situation again. thinking of all of you and praying that Natalie will be all right.
love, jen

Anonymous said...

First time delurking to join the goodwill collective. I can’t imagine your anguish or the uncertainty; it is unfathomable and unfair. Sending you my hopes, thoughts, and support for you and Natalie.

-Heather (fellow New Yorker and mom to stillborn son)

SWH said...

I am so sorry. My thoughts are added to all of the others wishing for the best. Even if the best is just getting through the next hour...

Anam Cara said...

Oh shit. This is so grossly unfair that you should be put through this again. My heart breaks for you right now and I can only hope your dearest Natalie will be okay. I am so sorry for your suffering. Sending you lots of love and (((hugs)))

Anonymous said...

Fuck shit fuck. This is just wrong. You should not be having to go through this THIS again. I am sending all positive thoughts and hopes and well wishes your way, along with barrelloads of strength and peace (because you and Robert also need some serenity in the midst of all this, if that can be possible).
Love, Pam

Anonymous said...

Alysse,
I can't express how sorry I am for you and Robert. Please know that I send my love and that I will keep you, Robert and especially Natalie in my prayers.
Love,
Jackie

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I am praying for Natalie.

I am sorry. Don't give up hope. Please don't.