Natalie and I had our first Music Together class today. The princess missed her morning nap, so she slept during half the class, even with the older kids banging on drums and running around screaming. I hope these classes don't continue to be expensive naps! Well, at least it's confirmed that this child will sleep through anything.
I'm trying really hard to get over my social phobia so that we can meet more mothers with babies in the neighborhood. I guess I feel fine around parents of young children these days, but I cringe every time I'm introduced to someone new with Natalie in tow, outside of the context of babies/kids, because I'm anticipating the variations on the questions I hate being asked ("Is this your first?" or "What number is this?"). I comfortably talk about Julian often with those who are in touch enough with their own emotions to engage in such subjects, but even after nearly two years, a stranger asking if this is my first pretty much always gets me all twitchy and teary. I've lied and said yes a few times lately, which I hate, but it's so much easier if it's someone I know I will never see again. I know it's a seemingly innocent question, but I wish I could just tell people who ask that some questions are not as innocent as one might think, or to mind their own business, or ask them why they want to know. There are lots of questions I would never ask a stranger and that is one of them.
On an unrelated note, a really irksome question I have been asked often lately is whether or not Natalie is mine. In a city with so many dark skinned nannies of light skinned children, some people can't help making assumptions. It's not like she looks nothing like me, and unlike in my mom's day, I doubt anyone would ask me that question if I were a white woman with a brown daughter. Grr.... I just hope Natalie tans easily.
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I guess you never really get to a point where the uncomfortable questions end. Perhaps to strangers you could say "She's my first girl". That would be truthful without explaining too much. I hope things get better for you.
I know what you mean about the social phobia. I, too, would like to meet mothers with babies as well. I have also lied when asked the question of "is he your first." It isn't often, but when I do, I feel such guilt. But you're right. Sometimes it's just easier especially to total strangers. And how do you explain quickly why he/she isn't your first without the awkwardness? I would never ask these questions of anyone either.
I also can't believe someone would ask you if Natalie is yours or not. Besides the resemblance, many mothers have children who are not biological and they are mothers just the same. People really are crude, aren't they?
And just think how soon it will be when Natalie is the one running around screaming banging on drums! Enjoy the naps, right??
What the hell kind of question is that? Of course she's yours. Whether you're her mother, aunt, babysitter or whatever, the fact is that you're the one there with her. People say the stupidest things.
/rant
First off, that is so rude of people to ask if Natalie is yours!
My friend Amy is going through the same situation though. Her little Liam is 10 months. Amy is very light brown and her husband is chalky white. Little Liam is whiter than his daddy with blond curls to boot!
My weekend excursion to a family wedding made me more aware (again) of how I hate social situations. I wonder if that is ever going to fade...
And about the other thing...DUH! Why is it that most people are in need of a brain transfusion??
Wow, what crap comes out of people's mouths sometimes...
Yeah, the how many kids question is always a toughie. I routinely leave Nicolas out now -- when i am asked how many kids i have, i say 2. However when asked if Chloe is my first, i say she is my third, and explain. Because, okay, i only HAVE two with me now, but i *did* have three babies. Splitting a hair i know, but it works for me. You will also find (through trial and error!) what works for you.
Hello, delurking here. My niece is blond, green eyes and completely white. My brother is Indian origin and my SIL is Caucasian Canadian.
I guess it's different since it's my SIL who is most often alone with my niece but people who know them both have at times gone on and on about how blond and pale she is, isn't it weird etc. My SIL sometimes wants to say, "Do you think he's not the father? Come right out and say it, then!"
Oh I know what you mean about the "is she yours" questions. It is so rude and intrusive and heaped with racism, when it's directed at bi-racial children. My husband and I have often been asked if my husband is 'really' my daughters father. which hurts his feelings terribly because he is Maori and little N is pale. and some people have suggested we not educate N about being half Maori, because they think she'd pass as all white and that, that would be preferable to them. URGHHH... don't get me started on this issue. It hurts me that people are so backward. and to think people are asking you if you are a strange white baby's nanny, instead of realising you are the fabulous, gorgous Mum of the divine Natalie. Well, they all sound ignorant, presumptuous, racist and plain rude. You need to think up some quick back-handed reply that will shut them up and make them realise the gravity of what they just said.
Urghhhhh... I hate that you're having to deal with this shit. I thought NY was more progressive than this.
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