A trip to one of America's wealthiest towns to visit a friend in the hospital who'd just had a baby brought up a lot of resentment in me about my labor and delivery experience due to the contrast in quality of the post-partum care we received. To make a long story short, breastfeeding is not happening for us, though Natalie gets breastmilk for about 1/3 of her feedings, all from a bottle. After witnessing how amazing my friend's hospital was and how supportive they are of breastfeeding (and general care for the mother), down to seemingly minor details, I feel especially depressed, disappointed, and blameful of our hospital for ruining it for us.
I won't go into the details at this point, because I promised DH I wouldn't dwell, but I needed to acknowledge my feelings aloud. Sadly, I don't feel like LLL would be of any help to me, because in my experience they are so militantly pro-breastfeeding and anti-pumping and artificial nipples that a) no one returned my calls during my last pregnancy when I was desperate to cut off my milk supply when it came in on Christmas Day 2004 and I didn't know what to do or who to turn to (my doctors were off and no one in the hospital prepared me for what to expect) and b) no one returned my calls just the other day when I thought my pump was on the fritz and I was all engorged and in pain and needed to find a 24 hour pump rental site.
More later, if I feel like I can be bothered to get into it. (Don't even get me started about the completely wrong shaped pacifier the nurses gave Natalie in the hospital without asking me, or the fact that my mom thinks they gave her a bottle, based on their bewildered looks every time they would ask whether or not she was breast or bottle fed...)
--------------------------
Onto a less loaded topic... I got some much needed "me" time this afternoon, under the guise of needing to pick up some things from the baby store. Guess who was in front of me on line at the Buy Buy Baby in Chelsea? America's Next Top Model's "Noted fashion photographer" Nigel Barker, wife Cristen Chin, and gorgeous son Jack. (See photos of the trio at JustJared.com.)
---------------------------
I'm currently enjoying reading "The Secret Life of Bees," given to me by my aforementioned friend. I discovered today that Natalie enjoys being read aloud to, which is great for both of us, as long as she is comfortable--an easier feat since our trip to the fancy schmancy hospital, where our friends managed to snag us an extra Soothie pacifier--clearly the correct choice for breastfed babies, unlike the plastic-y, flattened nipple monstrosity she was given at our hospital. Grr...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
OK, assvice you probably don't want, but I'm going to give it to you anyway. Breastfeeding doesn't have to be "ruined" for you. But it is NOT easy like the happy-breastfeeding-fairies would have you believe. It takes work, no matter what your experience in the hospital. So, my assvice is this...find someone. You don't have to use LLL. Ask around for a good lactation consultant (a lot of insurances will even cover consultations with you by an actual professional). If you don't like your hospital, try a different one. It's a pain in the ass, but it is worth it if you can get breastfeeding to work better for you and Natalie and you can let go of the anger. I hate to disagree with your husband, but I wholeheartedly believe that it is NOT "dwelling"...it is recognizing a problem and addressing how you go there and where you go from here.
Good luck.
Thanks, Catherine. We've actually had home consultations with two excellent lactation consultants, one of whom is an MD, so the visit was indeed covered by insurance. Natalie has never latched on for more than 1-2 minutes, even while being observed by the lactation consultants, who say my technique is fine. We have 2 issues: my milk came in late and I have a low supply, and Natalie has some tongue issue that may not resolve itself (not tongue tie, but just as frustrating), noted by the LCs, which has prevented her from BFing at the breast, thus a rigorous pumping schedule (plus herbs) that I already know I cannot keep up for much longer. To DH's credit, he wasn't referring to BFing, but to my feelings of resentment, which I agree are not very healthy on their own--he's actually been very supportive. We are at the point where we'll probably move toward 100% formula (she's always been 50/50, b/c of my production issues). If and when that happens, I know I just have to make peace with the decision, not feel guilty, and let go of my anger about what I feel was a bad start.
I don't know why everyone makes us think that breastfeeding is such an easy, natural process. I haven't any personal experience, but I know that I hear more stories of difficulties than anything. And I agree that the hospital staff can make a huge difference when it comes to support. Good luck with it all - it seems so overwhelming.
I'm so sorry that the breastfeeding is not going as you'd hoped. I agree that the hospital's attitude and support can make a huge difference(it was key in my experience) but I also agree with Catherine that it doesn't have to be the make-or-break (could I be more wishy-washy Libra?). It sounds like you are exploring all the resources available to you. I also steered clear of LLL when I was nursing. I'm just not a fan of extremism on any side of this issue. It's so personal and so loaded.
You are making great choices for Natalie and are doing a wonderful job. She will be fed and she will be fine.
Hi Alysse. I think you have to completely focus on what will work best for Natalie and you alone. You don't need all that extra baggage of the shoulda/woulda/coulda. and even though we all know B/F is preferrable, for some of us, it is just too dam impossible to keep going indefinately.
I can sympathise with what you're going through becuase when I had Nes, I was determined to BF but as she was in NICU for a week, the nurses were giving her bottles of formula and pacifiers without discussing it with me first. Nes had trouble latching on until she was about 5 or 6 weeks old. I'd had an emergency Caesarean after a complete placental abruption during labour in hospital, and I was exhausted. so I didn't have a huge supply either. So Nes wasn't gaining weight significantly. To cut a long story short, I was pumping and BF and also introduced formula supplement 'top-ups' from about 14 weeks old and I continued to 'struggle' nursing Nes until she was 6 months old. and it was hard work. and I was very happy when she weaned and BF was done. Now, you might wonder how Nes turned out. Well, she was a very early crawler and walker and talker and is a rather precocious 3 years now. I don't think having formula has affected her badly at all. The only think I look back on with sadness is how she'd cry as a small baby because she was hungry and I'd cry becuase it was SO HARD and exhausting. and I felt a failure because I wasn't fantastic at BF.
Find your middle ground and what works for you and Natalie and follow that. and take support from anywhere you can find it, because my God those early months can't flummox the best of us.
Take care (& I'll post a few pics of Nes later on today for you)
I am sorry that b/f doesn't seem to be working out for you and Natalie. I know this is easier said than done, but don't take it 'personally', in the sense of feeling like a failure or something like that. You obviously gave it your best shot and Natalie will do just fine with formula. I am sorry that you were not supported by the hospital -- unfortunately that is very common. I was not supported by either hospital very well (at least they did not give them bottles though!) and made it through the first b/f weeks with the support of my peds, dh, and a LC (in the case of Alexander).
Some babies just have alot more difficulty with breastfeeding. My SIL's first was that way -- low supply, latch problems, they ended up in the hospital with him on an IV for dehdration, etc etc etc. Her second baby b/f with no problems, and she said 'this is so easy and convenient, i don't know why it didn't work with Frankie'. I do believe that each experience is very different, with every baby.
Finally, i have to say -- remember that LLL is a loosely-knit volunteer organization. They typically don't even have an office, you are just calling someone's house. I myself have had good experiences with them (not militant at all!) but obviously it is going to depend on the volunteer you get. For them not to even return your calls is unconscionable and you should complain. Because whoever blew you off should not be volunteering with their organization.
PIcks of Nes now up for you Alysse...
Alysse, I too am sorry to hear the the b/f isnt working out for you and Natalie. The comments already posted ring true. Bailey was in NICU/SCU for two weeks, and was given bottles and pacifiers. The stress of his pregnancy and birth meant I had supply issues too, and he had poor sucking reflux and attachment difficulties for weeks. The b/f problems have continued, with ? oversupply and ? reflux, but it now turns out he has cholitis, which means he is reacting badly to things in my milk. When will this be easy, I often ask myself. I think the answer is - breastfeeding isnt always easy and pleasant for many of us.
If you are eager to keep feeding her your milk, then there are many helpful things you can do to increase your supply. Pumping and bottlefeeding is a massive demand on you, esp if long term. But it can be done. And if you decide to wean onto formula, please know that Natalie will still grow into a big, strong healthy girl.
Thanks for the latest pics, I think she is just the most adorable little treasure! And what a little princess in her pretty little dress :)
Hugs,
Kate xo
Post a Comment