Last week I was starting to feel like I was really making progress in my grief work (it really is work to move through this). This week, I feel like I've taken two steps back, and it's only Tuesday. In the weeks since Julian's death, my mind hasn't been focused enough to ever know what day it is. Julian's due date (1/2) came and went, as did the 1 month anniversary of his birth (1/20) and death (1/23), without causing me too much distress.
This week will be two months. Getting through the second month is proving to be more painful than I expected. I am not having as much difficulty sleeping or concentrating as I did during the first month, but I still think about Julian constantly. Losing him was a real shock to my system, on many levels. My body still doesn't seem to know he's gone.
I want my baby. It's not fair.